Rant: Disgusted

Been a while since I've done this. : /

Anyway, I'm disgusted. In myself. The fact that I feel the way I do about certain things doesn't make me feel any better about myself. On the other hand, I could really care less.
So, once again, I got ahead of myself when it comes to my feelings. People say that distance shouldn't matter and what not, but I find that to be false. In my case, I'd want (and prefer) physical contact with the person I am interested in. There's only so much I can do with a person over the internet. And it does get extremely more lonely in a long-distance relationship (depending on the situation).
Some people say that looks don't matter, it's what's on the inside. Pfft.. Yeah right. Only in fairytales people. For me, you can have a nice personality and what not, but I still go for good looks too you know. I still have standards... and being what those standards are, some people might say I'm being picky. You know what? Oh well.
I'm not looking to get married... ever. But I would like to have someone I know is gonna be there for me. A companion of sorts. I wish I could explain it better, but I'm in the worst condition to be explaining anything clearly right now. I'm just letting you all know how I feel.
From now on, if I'm gonna meet someone... I'm gonna do it face to face. AND I'm gonna go by MY standards. I'm sorry that feelings were hurt and what not, but at this point... I don't care. That's the other part of myself I'm disgusted about and I'm not about to go into anymore detail.
Now, I don't know those of you reading this may think of me afterwards.. But if you got something to say, you come to me and tell me upfront. I just had to get this off my chest due to recent events that have been going on for the past week.
In fact, because of what happened, I am now reassured that I’m really not girlfriend material. Either that, or maybe I’m not fit to have certain relationships (like serious ones, maybe?). Even if that’s true, I can live with it. ’Cause it’s me, you know? It’s how I am when it comes to things like that. And until the “right guy” comes along, then I don’t really see any point in changing it.
Another reason I maybe feeling the way I do right now could be because of the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming up and it’s pissing me the fuck off more than it usually would. Why? ’Cause this year, it’s literally everywhere. In the stores. In the newspapers, magazines. On the internet. On television. ON FRIGGEN’ GAMES!!! Yeah, that last one was the last straw.. Seriously. All this pink in the air is makin’ people act stupid and it’s makin’ me sick.
I guess, I just happen to get in this type of mood (or frame of mind) around this time of the year (this and Christmas). But seriously, everything I said above was the truth. I find it ridiculous that I’ve even lost sleep over all of this. I probably wouldn’t feel this way if I didn’t go through all the shit I did (when it came to relationships) in the past 2 years or if I had someone [HERE] with me that I could show my affection towards. But due to the circumstances, I’m ranting. ..Okay, I'm done now.

~ BoKo