I Want to Rant SO Badly Right Now..

But I won't. There's no point. Because, unless ranting can speed up 4 months of time, then I'm gonna be stuck in my current situation.
I can't wait to get my Driver's License, so I can drive my-damn-self around. I can't wait until I'm eligible to move out of the Dorms, so I can [maybe] FINALLY get the space I need to clear my head. So I can finally get some drawing done without feeling fucking guilty about what I draw around certain people.
But, until that time comes, I'll just bite my tongue. 'Cause I'm stuck with… "this"..

.   .   .

I posted this 4 days ago on a different page of mine and I never got around to posting it here. I know.. I know.. It's basically a rant anyway. I honestly couldn't/cannot help that.

I've looked at myself [lately] and I'm very much unhappy with what I've become. I'm an independent female. I do things by myself. Always have. I don't ask for help and I'm too hard-headed and stubborn to accept it.
When I get my Driver's License, I'll be able to do MORE things by myself. As I'd been doing before. I'll be able to drive around when I need to cool off. I'll be able to explore on my own.

I haven't been able to draw lately because of the negative environment I'm currently in. I like to draw in a spacious place. A place where I can relax and draw comfortably. I like to draw when I'm in a good mood, with my music playing after I've read [a bunch of] comics/manga by my favorite Artist(s) and snacks are right within reach. But that is not the case where I am.
My Dorm room is very small and cluttered due to the fact that I have nowhere to put anything. My boyfriend's apartment is… just that. His apartment. Not my own. He only moved in not too long ago, but it's still not comfortable enough a place for me to get any serious drawing done.
I'm looking forward to getting an apartment of my own. I will have plenty of space, my own furniture, my own refrigerator.. My style.

A lot of things have been happening in my life lately that's causing me to be more stressed than I ever have been. Hell, it's even starting to take a toll on me physically.
My new work schedule has made it hard for me to have much free time (despite the fact that I work Nights and I'm not really doing anything anyway). Even on my days off, I don't have the time. Why? Because I'm with my boyfriend or running around back and forth running errands. Before I know it, it's either time for me to go to bed or time to get ready for work.

Lately, I've been feeling that I have no direction in my life. I don't know what I'm doing or what my purpose is. I have no current goals, no motivation and no inspiration whatsoever.
I'm often finding myself thinking back on all the mistakes I've made and the choices I didn't make. Wishing I had have done things differently..

My relationship is one of the things stressing me out as well. But I'm not even going to get into that right now because that is a whole other story/topic and I'm trying NOT to think about all that mess.

Anyway, I need space to clear my head, get things done and figure out what direction I'm going in. Because, right now, I'm stuck… and it's making me depressed/miserable.
I will also attempt to catch up with my drawing. I just need to find the right positive environment.

Thank you guys for taking the time to read this (if you did). Until next time. L8r.

~ Katt